An Apology, And Several Facts About Chuck Norris

Before I forget, I think I need to write a retraction. On November the 18th, 2003, I wrote that Gretchen Forsythe hates NPR. That's wrong. That's just flat out wrong. And she told me so in person. She just can't stand that one tune they play on NPR. The one that goes Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-DA!!! That's what I remember her saying, and I mistakenly thought by that she also meant she abhored the whole public radio thing. Sorry, Gretchen!

Matt and Gretchen were in town last-last weekend and had rented a cabin. I and Brent and Marci stayed the night. Kevin and Lydia joined us for dinner, but went home after that, I think because Kevin's back hurt. Over dinner the guys started trading Chuck Norris facts. If you've never heard of Chuck Norris facts, they are the awesomest thing ever. They are facts... about Chuck Norris. THE Chuck Norris. Apparently they've been going around for a while and we got wind of em late, but boy, better late than never, I say. Here's a sampling:

"Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people."

"The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."

"When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean."

"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding."

"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is."

"Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head."

"If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face."

"The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist."

"When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face."

You can find a bunch of others facts about Chuck Norris here. Get educated!